You are all I need.

When I was in High School, I thought I was pretty cool.  I had all the answers.  I made all the right decisions.  I had all my life figured out.

What I really had… was pride.

I went on a yearly retreat with our church’s youth group to Myrtle Beach, SC.  It was my 5th time going (I got to go prior to 9th grade and after 12th) and I remember thinking that my friends and I were all the “in charge” kids of the group.  I had previously had some really amazing years at this particular retreat and had learned a lot as a Christ follower and as a person.  I didn’t know what to expect this year though as I had seen it all before… after all… didn’t I already know everything?

We got down there after the 14 hour drive crammed in 15 passenger vans… and I remember we walked in a bit late to the service that was already going on that first night.  There was a band on stage called “Catalyst” and it was about 6 or so college students.  They sounded terrible.  There was a brick wall behind them that just reverberated the drums and cymbals to no end… the sound system wasn’t configured that great yet and it was just a rough sound.  On top of that they were singing their own stuff that none of us knew and it was just awkward.

We left that night just ripping on the band.  We laughed at how bad things were and thought, “Man… what is the rest of the week going to be like with these guys when the music is THAT BAD.”

I never gave God a chance to work in my heart that night.  I was too busy puffing up my own sense of self-worth by seeing the faults in others and ignoring their good qualities…. like their willingness to serve a bunch of jerky high-school kids for a week.  But I blew it off… they were getting paid… they should be GOOD… right?  The rest of the nights they WERE good.  The sound system was adjusted and things were better… I even picked up a couple of their CDs at some point.

The week went on.  We did the routine and I learned nothing.  It was time to go… and little did I know God was about to break my heart with a lesson that I’d never forget.

We were gathering in our vans after the last session ended and we were already packed and about to hit the road.  Just then I overheard one of our leaders talking about the band.  He was asking if anyone had any money they could spare.  It was then I learned the whole story.

Catalyst had driven 26 hours or so to get to this conference.  It was their last show as a band despite being together for many years and their van broke down multiple times on the way.  They limped into Myrtle Beach knowing it wasn’t going to make the return trip home.  They weren’t getting paid for the conference… They were stranded.  And they never asked for money.  What’s more, the lead singer and his wife (who was also in the band) were on their honeymoon.  Yeah… They spent their honeymoon ministering to people who didn’t deserve them.  People who mocked them.  People like me.

I gave what I had left in my wallet and others did the same.  In the end we had a few hundred dollars from a couple dozen teenagers… and we gave it to our leader.  I watched as he gave it to them.  They were floored.  Such humble people… they were extremely grateful.  They cried… We cried… And they thanked us to no end and it TORE ME APART because I KNEW what the mean things were that I thought about them that first night… the jerky things I said to my friends… just to look cool.

It wasn’t that simple.  I couldn’t just hand over money and expect to be changed.  I had to talk to one of them.  I pulled the lead singer aside and struggling to maintain my composure I explained to him that I had to apologize to him.  That I had said some absolutely uncalled for things… that I had pushed them down to make myself look better.  I was grateful for the chance to help them and I thanked him for the sacrifices they made for us and for being such amazing examples of humility and for representing Christ and true Christianity well.  He forgave me.

I realized then that TRUE knowledge and wisdom comes from understanding that you know nothing.  God is in control.  I am not.  God knows everything.  I don’t.  And unless I show LOVE to others… Anything else I do is a waste of breath and discredits my ENTIRE faith to others.

I may have made my peace with Catalyst that night, but I don’t know if others on that trip overheard me or not.  I don’t know if others who may not know Christ as their Savior heard me and thought… “That guy’s a Christian?  Man I don’t want to be like that.  What a jerk.”  I dont’ know if someone else is avoiding accepting God into their life today because of my stupid mouth that night.

Often we don’t realize how fragile our representation of Christ to others is… until we’ve shattered it.

Where do you need to watch your mouth?  Where do you need to watch your pride?  Are you representing Christ and his humility or yourself and your ego?

So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!”  – 2 Corinthians 5:20

Likewise, we are seen by the world as speaking for Christ when we slam others… when we fail to show love… and when we cater to our own arguments.

——————

This post came about as I was listening to my iPod and this song by Catalyst came on…

You Are All I Need
I don’t need these clothes I wear
I don’t need to breathe this air
All I really need is You

I don’t need these things I own
I don’t need a place called home
All I really need is You

When my world is falling apart
When this world has crushed my heart
When I cannot stand on my own two feet
When I can’t go on
You carry me

  Because You are all I need.