→

All This For A King (O Praise Him)

So back in May 2003 I asked my (now) fiance Sarah to become my wife.  After much convincing, a few drinks, 50 bucks, and many many many sessions of begging, she caved…  or something… At least that’s what I thought it’d take…   ANYWAY, shortly after that night, about 22 hours later actually, we and 6 others from CedarCreek left for the Passion One Day ’03 gathering in Sherman, TX.  22 hours of driving later, we arrived.

The 3 days of camping… the horrendous rain… the flooded tents… the fellowship with friends… the meals shared with strangers… the impromptu guitar/campfire worship times… the experience of a lifetime.  One night the “David Crowder Band” was playing and performed a new song entitled “All This For A King (O Praise Him).”  It was named this despite the many votes on his website for “Boot Scootin’ Boogey 2.”

“Turn your ear to heaven and
hear the noise inside
The sound of angel’s awe,
The sound of angel’s songs 
And all this for a King”

Lately I’ve done a lot of thinking.  I’ve been so “BUSY” as always… I’ve been so weighed down with life… I’ve been so concerned about school… so worried about graduation… so centered on going full-time at the church… so much effort has gone into trying to be a good fiance to Sarah… so many hours have been worked at my second job… so many nights spent lying awake wondering where God is in my life…  And now… Now I can’t stop the tears from falling when I think what I’ve done.

“We could join and sing 
All to Christ the King 
How constant how divine 
This song of ours will rise 
Oh how constant how divine 
This love of ours will rise 
Will rise”

When I spent those hours with my knees in the grass 1,100 miles away from home… with my heart in the open… with my head bowed… with my hands surrenderred… with my pride erased, my agenda cleared, my soul crying out… When I stopped caring about my life for one second and I finally devoted myself 100% to doing NOTHING but praising God…  When I finally realized how unworthy I am…  How worthy He is… How foolish I am… How wise He is… How little I love… How He IS love…

“O Praise Him, O Praise Him,
He is Holy
He is Holy”

I’m broken.  Here I am… the broken child.  Before God I stand, convicted of my iniquity.

Have you ever been given a gift that you really didn’t deserve?  Have you ever been given that gift by someone that loves you SO MUCH, that it hurts you to realize how you’ve acted towards them?  How do you face them?  How can I stand?  Lord… How can I stand in Your presence?  How can I face You?  How can I speak anything when everytime I open my mouth, all that comes out is praise… thankfulness… apologies… gratitude…

“Turn your gaze to heaven and
raise a joyous noise 
The sound of salvation come, 
The sound of rescued ones 
And all this for a King 
Angels join to sing 
All for Christ our King”

Stricken with my inadaquacy I stare to the sky and wonder why God spends any second thoughts on me… Why does He love me?  Why does he care so much for me?  I don’t know.  But I feel it.  I feel so accepted.  I’ve never been one to go out of my way to care for others unless it inolved someone close to me.  I don’t have much compassion for strangers… admittedly… I’m not a super compassionate person.  But for some reason God cares so much for me that he not only forgives me, but physically faced death FOR ME!  He was mocked, beaten, humiliated, pierced, tortured, and killed… not only for me… but BECAUSE of me… and all I can do is worry about making enough money… taking enough classes… keeping all of my plates spinning…  When in reality, what I needed most… was to let those plates fall… to watch them shatter on the ground… and to realize that while I was so busy focusing on spinning my tasks… God stood by and watched me quietly.  He stood by and whispered, “What are you doing?  Don’t you know that I came to give you life to the fullest?  Don’t you know that you don’t have to do that on your own?  Just trust me…  Just… … Trust Me.”

“How infinite and sweet 
This love so rescuing 
Oh how infinitely sweet 
This great love that has redeemed 
As one, We sing 
Alleluia, Alleluia 
He is holy 
He is holy”

Tonight I woke up.  I realized where I’ve been spiritually lately isn’t where God wants me.  I’ve decided to make some changes.  No, I don’t deserve what He’s done for me.  I never will.  But I can at least show my thankfulness… I can at least act as He has asked me to.

The Big Push at CedarCreek is coming up.  We’re spending 30,000 dollars on an all out advertising blitz for 4 weeks.  We do this twice a year.  Hudreds of people who have never been to CedarCreek will attend.  Hundreds who may have never stepped foot in a church will hear the message that God loves them… That God forgives them.  Thousands will hear how God died for them… And hundreds will find hope, acceptance, forgiveness, and eternal life.

We serve such a big God… such an awesome, almighty, omnicient God.  And for some strange reason, I have the opportunity to help His message be heard.  It’s amazing… 14 years of my life have been spent knowing the truth and reality of God… 8 of those have been in a growing relationship with Him… and yet I still… to this day… can be broken like a dry twig under the enormous weight of God’s love.

Mood:  Forgiven… Loved… Unworthy.