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Warning:  Uncomfortable post ahead… proceed with caution.

So I went to this speaker dude on campus as part of a requirement for my job…. (being a RA)…. This guy was from Boston University and he is a doctor who studies rapists…. He presented a discussion based presentation entitled, “The Undetected Rapist” where he showed his research from the past decade, took questions, and really challenged our stereotypical views of a “rapist.”

I guess the majority of us… if asked to imagine a rapist… would picture a guy in a black ski mask with a gun or a knife…. attacking lonely jogging women in parks or in parking garages…. Equally pictured would be a guy who got drunk one night and had little control over his actions…. it was a one-time thing and wouldn’t happen again….

Both of these are possible… but only responsible for 1% of all rapes in the U.S.

The overwhelming majority of rapes are committed by men who have a severe mental deficiency…. they lack empathy.  They don’t consider themselves rapists either… they aren’t wearing ski masks after all… Seriously… it’s a creepy thought when you look at the statistics… but out of 1,800 men surveyed, (never using the term “rape,” but instead saying, “have you ever physically forced a person to have sex with you against their will?”) 77 said yes…. one time… and 46 of those are serial rapists… it is a game… Those 31 who AREN’T serial offenders can claim the “I was drunk” excuse all they want… but regardless, they lacked empathy… (I’ll explain later.)  The 77 are also admittedly linked to other incidents of violence or abuse (intentionally hitting spouses, burning or scalding children, sexually molesting children… etc.)  … but check out how it breaks down….  Of the 31 one-time offenders, each is responsible for harming 1.5 other people in some way…. of the 46 serial offenders…. 14 people each.

We saw a video taped interview with a college guy in a frat at Duke University…. the frat would regularly hold weekly parties where they’d “scout” the freshmen women for “targets” to “claim.”  Then they’d invite them to the party… and as soon as the girl would arrive, the guy would be all over her bringing her drinks like crazy… They always had a special “sweet punch” that was spiked with more alcohol than you can imagine…. when the girl was getting “trashed” enough, they’d make a move and lean in on her… put an arm around her… kiss her… and ask if she wanted to go upstairs to “his room” to get away from the crowd (which wasn’t really his room… but a room assigned to each guy prior to the party for this purpose).  Then he’d start to undress her… if she resisted, he’d pin her arms above her head with one hand… undress her… and put his other arm across her throat…. HERE is where we lack empathy.  The interviewee didn’t SAY throat… he said “Chest” but motioned and SHOWED us clearly…. throat.  Then he said that she was “saying stuff about not wanting to do this so soon… but whatever…. I was angry at her for playing along and then wanting to quit then…”

Now imagine you are seeing this happen…. this girl is being pinned by the neck…. terrified…. when do the tears start to fall?  When does the fear in her face and words… the frozen demeaner for fear of having her throat crushed… when does all that hit you?  The moment you see it…. When does it hit the man raping her?  Never.  He said he’d put his clothes back on and go join the party… when asked what happened to the girl… he just laughed and said…. “She left I guess….”  He never sees her as a human being… but as an object…. let’s talk objecification….

ALL GUYS, can objectify women…. “Get me a piece of THAT!”  “OUCH…. Look at THAT!”  “Where you goin, sweet THING?”  We can look at any female (don’t deny it guys, and don’t be too shocked girls…) and see her as something to be conquered…. not someone with a father…. a mother…. a life…. feelings… dreams.. goals…   But the thing that seperates normal guys from rapists… is that in the moment most guys would find themselves forcing themselves on a girl… and see that terror in her eyes…. he’d be SMACKED so hard with thoughts of “WHAT AM I DOING????”  When she screams in pain and terror he’d think, “OH MY GOD… ARE YOU OK?”  But not rapists…. they have no empathy.  It never connects….

The fact is, most rapists are NOT sex-starved individuals… they statistically have MORE consentual sex than others…. And it’s not a need to dominate women that drives them, rather a need to control the situation… if she WILLINGLY would have sex with him, then he’s fine with that… but the moment she is against what HIS plan is…. he gets angry…. and rapes her.  Then in the aftermath, he isn’t remorseful, sorry, or even convicted of being in the “wrong.”  Instead, he is angry that she “made him do it!”

Man…. no remorse… no empathy…. just anger… that is messed up.

I dont’ know why I felt led to post this all…. maybe just to share what I learned…. maybe as a warning to all college girls…. maybe cuz I’m disgusted by such behaviors…. but mostly maybe cuz I started thinking about how valuable Empathy is!  We look at our world with so many problems…. so many issues… and Christ never intended for Christians to act the way most of us do…. The Christian faith has over 33,000 denominations worldwide… every one of them the result of a split.  How is that answering God’s call for us to be united?  Almost all of them were born out of anger and hostility and withdrawal between people who claimed to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ.  This is the SAME Jesus who prayed to his Father that all his followers might “be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me.”  How would having extreme empathy and anger control have changed all of that?  How would the church look today if we as Christians didn’t screw it up so bad?  Man…. messed up.

Mood:  Way too deep for 2:30am
Music:  Edwin McCain – I Could Not Ask For More