Drunken StuPOR…. or StuPID?
Working the late night shifts at Offenhauer (12am-4am) are always entertaining… I usually do this every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday night. This past Friday was Halloween. So you think I’d have a lot to say about girls taking the opportunity to dress EVEN SLUTTIER…. (Didn’t think it was possible till a few different girls walked through the lobby in clothes that covered less than most underwear does…) Or that I’d have a lot to say about togas, funny costumes, drunken 6 foot tall Scooby Doos…. ya know…. College Halloween costumes…. they’re like your normal Halloween costumes…. only …. drunk.
THE POINT BEING, that the only really funny incident had NOTHING to do with it being Halloween. At about 1:30am this guy stumbles in the door behind a group of people (so he didn’t need a key) and walks over to a couch in the lobby. Now at first we thought he was with that group he entered with, but he wasn’t. We don’t make people check-in unless they’re going upstairs since some people use the lobby restrooms, tv, computers, etc… So this guy plops down in a chair and hangs his head down so his chin is resting on his chest. Sarah comes over to me at the desk and says, “Hey… watch him… He’s really wasted so make sure he doesn’t pass out onto the floor or anything.” I comply and time goes on.
30 minutes later, he hasn’t moved an inch. His head is still hanging down and he doesn’t appear to be conscious. Sarah suggests I go check on him…. sure… not a problem. I walk over to him and try to get his attention. “Hey…. HEY….. Buddy….” Nothing. So I shake his arm and call out to him…. “Hey dude…. you alright?” His head pops up like I just woke him up in class….
“YEAH!” He belches out by reflex.
“You alright?” I repeated.
“Yeah.”
“Do you live here?”
“No….”
“Do you know anyone who lives here?”
“…. …. ….. …. No…”
At this point I say “Ok” and he drops back to his deep sleep…. I walk over to Sarah and suggested I call the police since he doesn’t live here and is too wasted to find his way home safely by himself. Then I thought… wait…. what if he ISN’T that wasted… and he is just sleepy…. I’d be a jerk for calling the police on him… So I figure I’d check out his status once more…
“Hey dude….” I said as I shook him awake again.
“YEAH!”
“Are you sure you’re ok?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you know where you are?”
“Yeah.”
“Where are you?”
“……..
………. ……… ………. Company.”
Judging by the glazed over look and the bobbing and swaying of his head as he thought about where he was… I responded in the only way I knew how… 
“……… ok.” And he promptly fell back into his state of sleep. I walked back to the desk and called up the campus police…
“Campus Police.”
“Hi… This is Brent at the front desk of Offenhauer… I’m calling because we have a guy that just stumbled into our lobby… and he…”
She cut me off, “…is wearing blue pants and a blue sweater… Has blonde thinning hair and a backpack?” she asked.
I replied, “And glasses… yeah…. How’d ya know?”
“We’ve been looking for him!”
“WELL HOW CONVENIENT! Come pick him up!” I laughed back.
About 2 minutes later the police arrived and went over to talk to our new found friend. They shook him awake and offerred to give him a ride home. He refused. Then they said, “Come on… don’t ya wanna go back and crawl into that nice warm bed?” Again he refused… After some conversation, they convinced him to go with him, but he asked if they could stop by Barney’s South (a convenience store) on the way. They told him no…. that he’d drank enough…. HAHAHA…. wow…. He didn’t like that response. He started going all military on them saying “YES SIR!” to every question really loudly. At this point every response he gave was in a full out yell. People were stopping to watch what was going on… The conversation looked kinda like this:
“Are you in ROTC?” asked the officer.
“NO SIR! MARINE CORP SIR!”
“Well that’s nice. I was in the army. Do you want me to go back to my army days? If you want me to go back to my army days, I will… NOW LISTEN UP SOLDIER. HERE’S WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO DO. YOU’RE GOING TO WALK OUTTA HERE WITH US NICELY, OR I WILL DRAG YOU OUT! UNDERSTAND?” the officer so kindly stated.
“Yes sir.”
“CAN I GET A HOORAH?” the officer asked.
“Hoorah?”
“That’s right… a hoorah… now lets go.”
At this point, I’m biting my tongue to keep from laughing out loud. They escorted him out and took him away. So I realize now that his response when I asked him where he was, wasn’t “company” as in “I’m in the company of others…” It was “company” as in his Marine Corp Comapny. He thought he was talking to drill instructors and/or officers!
So the end of that mess right? Wrong. Later that night a resident came in and reported that his car had been broken into and he had his radar detector stolen. One of the officers responding to that call was one of the same ones that handled our drunken marine… I asked him how they knew about him and how it went once they left us. He said that the guy was wandering around the Tech Building next door for awhile and they called the cops on him since he was innebriated. He split and they lost track of him. Then once they took him from us, they gathered two addresses out of him and had to check both before figuring out where he lived. Then to get to his house, they had to drive RIGHT PAST BARNEY’S SOUTH…. He wasn’t too happy that they didn’t stop…. HAHAHA…. wow… COME ON COPS…. TAKE ME TO BUY MORE BEER!!! What a loser…. But thanks for the amusement…. Here’s to you Balding Drunken Marine Man… Many drink, but you alone have the audacity to ask the police to buy you some more. 
Oh yeah… besides that mess, we played Poker at Luke’s house earlier that night… I had to leave for work (as noted above) when I was the chip-leader of the final 5 out of 10…. BAH! I GOT HOED! I OWNED YOU ALL!!!! 
Mood: Amused…. and pokerly speaking… DISGRUNTLED! 
I need me one of them winning lotto tickets… that’s what I need…. 
So THAT is why I’ve neglected xanga lately. Sorry… but I’m sure you’ll live on in my absence!