I am Radioactive Man!
You’re a man of few words, not because you’re the strong silent type, but because you’re a fool who can’t speak english. Nonetheless, your sexy body and bravary keep fans coming to the movies.
Which Simpsons Character are YOU?
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Yeah… I don’t normally put any gross stuff on here that’ll make people sick… but it’s Valentine’s Day and I have every right to do so on my own journal… so… deal with me if ya would… it won’t happen again for quite some time.
Sarah, I love you. You are so awesome and I totally don’t deserve you. Thank you for being my best friend. Words can’t express how much your friendship has meant to me. Thank you! I only hope that I can be the same to you. Despite my stupidity and the fact that I smell…. … 
OK… done. No more public gross stuff for probably at least a year… 
Mood:
Music: Still the same as before…
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So tonight (02/13/03) was the first meeting of a couples’ Bible study thing… Right now it’s composed of Sarah and I, my friends Luke and Sara, and Jayson and Jess, and it’s lead by Ed and Dawn Bellner. It is an interesting combo of people… One married couple (Ed and Dawn), one engaged couple (Jayson and Jess), and two dating couples (Luke/Sara and Sarah/Me)… We’re gonna go through some books together (actual books… not books of the Bible), and have Q&A time where we can drill Ed and Dawn with questions about their 17 year long marriage… I’m really looking forward to it! I think we’re all going to learn a lot about each other and hopefully become really close friends… It’s going to be nice to have other couples to hang out with! Nothing against those that we already do, but such times are rare and choices limited… Hopefully this group can guide Sarah and I and really help our relationship grow that much more…
Other than that, I read Sarah’s entry from 2/13/03 and I thought that it rocked…. So all of you faithful readers of my journal… that’s right… both of you… You should read her entry. It puts the smack down on all those people who bash Valentine’s Day…. Props to Sarah for it.
ANYwho… It’s late, I have class in the morning… must sleep now. I smell like greasy fast-food…. oh the remnants of the Galley food court…
Mood: Stuffed! 
Music: dcTalk – Alabis
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Winds here in BG are currently “25 TO 35 MPH WITH OCCASIONAL GUSTS TO NEAR 50 MPH.” Yeah… I saw it hit 50 easy…. Couldn’t see past the street (20 feet) due to snow blowing that hard…. then it quit and I could see for like… a quarter mile… lol… crazy city…
Mood: Warm in my room…
Music: Matt Brouwer – Lead
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I gave in to Princess Splat’s push for color…. she was right… but I guess grey was just my mood at the time… I wanted to be…… plain… like a bread sandwich… BUT ALAS………….. my desire for blue has returned. BASK IN ITS COLORFUL GLORY!!!!!!!!!!
Mood: ::squinty eyes:: Suspicious of EVERYBODY…
Music: K’s Choice – I’m Not An Addict
(I must apologize… I’m on crack or something… but hey.. at least I’M having fun! )
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Despite popular use… I removed the chatbox cuz it kept crashing my site and had pop-ups like crazy… stupid thing… 
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Do you care if I don’t know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight? Will you think of me?
Will I shake this off, pretend it’s all ok,
That there’s someone out there who feels just like me…
There is…
-Boxcar Racer
So anyway… that song’s in my head. Other than that, I’ve decided to share with you all a random amount of babble… all who still care, read on. The rest of you can ignore this…
Who has heard the song from Good Charlotte called “Emotionless”??? For those of you that haven’t allow me to share some lyrics. OK… now that you have that. Understand this is my life. This song was shared with me by my friend of 12 years… When I first heard it and read the lyrics… I thought, “yeah… that’s cool…” But every time I hear it since then, it hits home a little more and more…
For those of you that don’t know… (probably the majority of you) my family situation growing up wasn’t the greatest… My dad was an alcoholic… My parents got divorced when I was 12… I never knew my dad. I knew he financially provided for us… he did that well. But he worked from 3pm-4am and slept all day… I was in school in the mornings and when I got home he was leaving… I don’t know where he turned though. From what I understand, he was such a good father when my older sister was born… and I can remember when I was real young that he was the guy I looked up to… just as every boy’s dad is… But somewhere in there he started distancing himself from us… he’d sit on the couch watching TV and would completely ignore us… we’d ask questions and he’d just act like we never spoke… He never was there to talk to us… We feared him. We were afraid of his yelling. Life is a lot different when you’re a kid looking up at the father figure… I remember I used to think he was a “hero in my eyes” as the song says… but as I got older… as he fell apart more… as he became increasingly violent… as I saw him being arrested… as I heard him yell… as I watched him physically attack my mother… as I cleaned up the blood… … … I realized that I never want to beome like him. I hated him.
He was the symbol of all that I despised in my youth, and I wanted nothing more than to avenge my sisters… my mother… I wanted to show him that he couldn’t threaten us anymore… but I was only 12. I was small… weak…. scared. So I waited… I let bitterness grow.
Eventually I was older… I remember when I was 17 (and much more grown!) and my sisters, my girlfriend, my dad and his girlfriend, and I went to dinner…. I remember I sat across the table from him… and I told him, “Dad… I remember you being a lot bigger…” Everyone kind of chuckled… and I just stared at him. He knew what I was saying. He knew that I wasn’t afraid anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I went through a good 6 year period where I had to get over all my dad had done in my childhood. I have completely forgiven him for all his actions… I really wish that he can find Christ and that God will bless his life as he has mine… But forgiveness never means ignoring the seriousness of the offenses, or the consequences of the actions.
I don’t know now how to act around my dad. I see him once every 6 months or so… at family parties or some event like that. He still acts kind of odd and doesn’t show up to everything that you think he would (his parents’ birthdays, father’s day, thanksgiving…) but when he does show up I can tell he’s hurting now. He seems like he wants to build back a relationship with me and my sisters… he asks us to stop over at his house… he offers to take us to dinner every now and then… but I swear that I won’t allow him the pleasure of a half-hearted relationship. Even this year he forgot all 3 of our birthdays… I refuse to let him take us to dinner and get his “kick” of parenting for 4 hours some night. Forget that.
“It’s been a long hard road without you by my side…
Why weren’t you there all the nights that we cried?
You broke my mother’s heart, you broke your children for life…
It’s not ok, but we’re alright.
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes,
But those are just a long lost memory of mine…
Now I’m writing just to let you know I’m still alive…
I’m still alive.”
I will never be this to my children… to my wife… I will cherish them as the treasure of my life. I will spend every day devoted to falling more in love with my wife… to showing my children that they are so special to me. I will sacrifice my very life in any way possible so they will be spared from the slightest BIT of pain… “the scars run deep in this tatooed body… there’s things I’ll take to my grave… but I’m ok… I’m ok.” I don’t want to be the source of those scars on the people closest to me. GOD don’t let me ever do that. Take my life before you let me hurt like that…
So what spurred all this on was the fact that last saturday I was at my sister’s birthday party and my dad was there… It was the first time Sarah got to meet him. When I left I shook his hand and he just squeezed it and didn’t let go. I wouldn’t look at him… When I was leaving I looked around the room and waved bye… My dad just was staring at me… He looked hurt… But I don’t know… I’ve never seen him hurt. He’s always been the one doing the hurting… I stared back at him and said “bye”… Who knows when I’ll see him again… But as I left his line of sight and headed for the door, he already jumped into another conversation with people and didn’t seem phased for a second… I’ll never understand him. I don’t know if I’ll ever want to…
Mood: It’s hard to be happy talking about that!
Music: Good Charlotte – Emotionless (duh!)
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Yeah…. This is just about dead on… very nice… according to this, I’m prince charming! YEE HA!!! Now if only the rest of the world could see me as computer code does…. hmmm…
Your personality score is 47
What does this score mean?
Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who’s constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who’ll always cheer them up and help them out.
Mood: Late for class! HAHA!
Music: The Presidents Of The United States Of America – Peaches
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NOT HAPPY with the Wings performance lately… lost 2 and tied 2 in last 4 games… Lost the lead to the BLUES!!! ARG! ARG! ARG!!!!!! (that’s a triple arg!)
Mood: ARG!
Music: Boxcar Racer – There Is
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Workin on a new site design… new color layout… a new photo… I wanna post more photos on here too…. all in good time… let me know what ya think!
Mood: Reconstructive
Music: Avril Lavigne – I’m With You